Dawn’s Early Light
Written by donnamccamant
Nani wearing my glasses in exchange for candy. Also note the purely aesthetic band-aid.
Last Thursday I had an amazing morning, one that I will never forget. One that started at 3 am. One that started with me being very unhappy to be up for the day at 3 am. And by unhappy I mean grouchy, ugly, resentful, pouting, pity-partying unhappy. Not my finest moment.
At one point that early dawn I questioned (loudly) why God would allow Nani to need so much care and make it impossible to care for her. And by impossible I meant how am I supposed to do this day after day with no sleep night after night? This Thursday morning I was very sleep deprived and feeling deprived of a life in general. Waaa, waaa, waaa. No way could I have imagined that it would turn out to be one of the sweetest mornings I’ve ever had.
Thursday I spent the morning with Nani.
Let explain why that is so remarkable since I was up anyway! Autism keeps Nani in her own world. Even when she engages in my world her autism “rules” still apply, and her visits are brief. Soon she has all she can take and she retreats, most recently under a quilt on the sofa. We work to devise ways to entice her out, but it never lasts long. Her light sensitivity from her vision loss compounds the problem.
But Thursday morning she came and stayed. We spent the entire morning running errands and shopping. I know it sounds so routine. Let me assure you it’s not. Nani has been very reluctant to leave the house the past few years except for rides in the car. She has been completely unwilling to go into stores or other buildings, or even to visit family.
I don’t know why that morning it was OK to go grocery shopping, to Target, and a few other stores. I don’t why she participated by pushing the cart and putting things in it, loading and unloading the car. I don’t know why she made eye contact and smiled and laughed all morning. I don’t know why she played a game with me and would let me put my sunglasses on her. I don’t know why she was calm and relaxed and so present.
And I didn’t know just how much I had missed her until that morning.
I’m hoping she won’t stay gone so long. I’d get up early any day for that kind of morning.
Laughing Until I Cry 
Donna. There you go making me cry again. I should just call you and complain. I’m sure you’re up by now (5:40 a.m.)…and I know how much you love those early-morning surprises!
May God bless you with many more Nani visits just like that one. Well, except maybe a little later in the day.
I love you, Weepy Waily Nonna Gayle-ee!
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Oh Donna how beautiful!! Just when we have reached the end of our human capabilities…I think that’s what the Lord is waiting for.
I pray Nani visits again…very soon….just not quite as early…
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Donna, what another beautiful story you shared with us. I am so happy you had a day like that and I pray for many more. Love you dearly and appreciate so much how you share your life with us.
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ashley shared this site & story with me . . . what a beautiful heart you have, donna! i hope it can be filled with joy on many more days like this.
with love,
elizabeth hatfield
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Thank you Elizabeth. Ashley shared with me your incredible generosity to Sarah and Eric. I so admire YOUR heart.
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Donna, Ashley came out to visit us this week. She told me your sweet story. My FaceBook has not been working, I just now fixed the glitch on my phone; therefore, was just now able to read your story. I cried when Ashley shared it with me and I’m crying again now, as I’ve just read it! Your family is amazing and will have SO many jewels in your crowns in heaven. Your daughter will forever be a special part of the last 3 months we had with my daddy. We love that we can still keep in touch with her. Through knowing her, we have had a glimpse into your family and can see how lucky you all are to have each other!!! I hope to get to read further stories that you write. You’ve had 3 incredible daughters and we are SO thankful that Ashley is in our lives! Your family has made a difference in so many people’s lives…..Thank You for your kind, giving nature that you spread….you are touching and positively affecting more people than you’ll ever know!!!
Sorry….I got off on a typing tangent. Thank you for sharing the story about Nani. You’re so inspiring!! What an example you and your family exemplifies for the rest of the world!! Thank you for sharing your kindness with so many others!!!
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Marna, thank you so much for such encouraging words. All I can say is God is good…all the time. And has been so generous with His grace. I was glad to hear that Ashley was going to visit you. Your family is so very special to her and I know she counted it a privilege to take care of your Dad.
I hope to have the pleasure to meet you some day.
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